I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
