He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
