Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize