Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
BRING THE BAGELS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
