I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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