i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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