On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize