I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
