I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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