now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
