Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize