Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
