Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
