Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
