I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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