before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
