so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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