Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
