She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
