I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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