I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
