I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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