it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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