Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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