In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
