Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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