i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
