He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize