I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
