I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
