ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This baby is an asshole
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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