I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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