Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
smell my finger.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
