We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Less talking, more tequila
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
