well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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