i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
