my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
