Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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