forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize