its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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