So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
