My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
