So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
