HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
