i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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