We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
