I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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