Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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