My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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