TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
