1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Congratulations! We have a period
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
