All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
