I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
