It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
