There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
