How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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