Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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