I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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