I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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