Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my being single is dangerous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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