she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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