who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize