what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
