She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
