mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
