Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize