i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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