Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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