he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
