I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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