By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
