I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
