so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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