We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
