1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
