pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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