We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Boobs speak an international language.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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