i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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