He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize