hell yes lets make some ravioli
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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