Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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