the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
