No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
then he tried to convert me to islam
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
