I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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