i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
