I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
