I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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