I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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