I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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