I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
