Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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