I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
