So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
