Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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