i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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