Who did Billy Mays play for?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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