it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
