What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
