She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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