my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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