You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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