Please don't use social media to get back at me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
