So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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