Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
