haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
