I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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